The Lexus Won’t Fill the Lack

My wife and I met through college debate, which means we have a lot of shared vocabulary and inside jokes that are extremely nerdy. One of them has become a useful way to talk ourselves out of buying things.

Every so often, I start thinking about how nice it would be to own a Lexus. This is where one of our favorite objections comes in: “It’s not going to fill the lack.”

If you overheard us, you would probably wonder what we were talking about. The joke comes from Jacques Lacan, a French psychoanalyst who wrote about desire. In very simplified terms, Lacan’s idea of “lack” describes an incompleteness built into our experience as desiring subjects. We do not encounter ourselves or the world directly; our sense of both is shaped through language and our interactions with other people. Within that world, we imagine that getting something will finally make us whole, and particular objects or achievements become attached to that promise. We can get the thing and enjoy it, but it cannot deliver that final completeness. Desire keeps moving. Food can satisfy hunger; the feeling that one more thing will finally make us complete has no equivalent solution.

I am suspicious of a lot of what Lacan has to say, but this idea has made me think about how much I expect from that car. A more comfortable ride seems reasonable. Feeling permanently successful and becoming the version of myself who has everything figured out seems like a lot to ask. I would still be me. I would just be driving a Lexus to whatever I was already worried about. Shopping makes it easy to attach those expectations to something. A vague sense that something is missing becomes a product you can research, price, and pick a color for. When owning it fails to feel quite like you imagined, there is always another upgrade. You can keep shopping for a long time without questioning the promise you attached to the first purchase.

Thinking about that has made some purchases less tempting. Once I separate enjoying something from everything else I am imagining it will do, I often want it less urgently. I am also more able to appreciate what I already have. It gets tiring to keep looking at a perfectly good part of your life as something you need to replace. I still like nice things, and I think we should want things and work toward them. Love, family, community, and meaningful goals matter enormously to me. A purchase can improve your day. An accomplishment can change your life. I just find it helpful to remember how much good something can do without expecting it to settle every question I have about myself.

Debaters should recognize this. You spend months chasing a result and imagine how different you will feel once you get it. You finally win the tournament. You are excited, proud, and probably relieved. Then there is another tournament, and somehow you still have something to prove. Maybe now you need to show that the first win was not a fluke. Maybe you need to win a “better” event. That does not make the win meaningless. You worked for it, and you should enjoy it. But if you expected it to permanently settle whether you were good enough, you gave that trophy a job it could never do.

I want students to chase ambitious goals without making every accomplishment a down payment on finally liking themselves. This is one reason I value critical literature in debate. These are writers who ask us to question familiar assumptions about people and society, including why we want what we want. Students usually encounter them while trying to build or answer an argument. An idea can stick around long after that argument stops being useful in a round. I like the idea that a student could read Lacan, disagree with most of him, and still catch themselves expecting too much from the next trophy or the next thing they want to buy. You can leave a book unconvinced by much of it and still have learned something worth keeping.

I still occasionally want the Lexus. Reading Lacan has just made it easier to leave that as something I want while enjoying the life I already have.